ESSAY: IF I HAD A DAD

Darienne Spradling – 3rd Grade

If I had a dad he would be important to me. We would do a lot of things
together. He would help me and my family. I would love him a lot!
My dad would spend time with me. We would go to the store together. He
would buy stuff for me and my family. He would take my family and me to
dinner. We would go on camping trips together and he would set up the tent.
On my birthday he would take me to a fancy restaurant.
My dad would help me and my family. He would make money for us. He
would help me with my homework. He would help me with my chores.
I would love him a lot. He would love me for who I am. He would look after
me. This is the kind of dad I want.
Now you see why he would be important to me because we would do a lot of
things together, he would help me and my family and, I would love him a lot!


This essay was written by my ten and half-year-old granddaughter. It won first place in her grade level for the Tulsa area schools. The dad she is writing about is my son.

However, you see, she isn’t my biological granddaughter and as everyone is so quick to point out, she is not my son’s biological child.

Still, from the time she was eight months-old until about a year ago, he was ‘that’ dad she described in her essay, and those are the things they did together. He was there when she cut her first tooth, said her first word, took her first step. He went with her mother to take her to school for the first time. He was that proud ‘father’ with the video camera. That was him and his camera again at her Christmas programs, plays, parties and Kindergarten graduation.

For eight years her mother and my son dated, lived together, broke up, and went back together. The one constant thing during this time was my son’s devotion to Darienne. Even when the ‘final’ break came and Darienne’s mother moved out, she allowed Darienne to stay temporarily with my son, because she worked nights, and did not want to interrupt Darienne’s school routine.

My son continued getting Darienne up each morning, fixing her breakfast and taking her to school. He was there when she got off the bus in the afternoon and helped her with her homework and fixed her dinner. Afterwards he would take her to spend a few hours with her mother before her bedtime and before her mother went to work. Then it was back home to tuck her into bed and get ready for the next day.

The ugliness that brought all of this to an end is private and between my son and his ex-girlfriend. And besides if I start to write about it I would in all fairness have to present both sides and that would take much too much space. Suffice to say, there was never any violence or threats of violence from either party until much later when Darienne’s mother new boyfriend threatened my son’s life. That is definitely too much to go into here and not really relevant to anyone but me (a worried mother.)

I would like to point out here that I could present both sides fairly. Although my son means the world to me and I love him with all my heart, I also love Darienne's mother. I will always be grateful to her for the years that she allowed me to be Darienne's grandmother. Somehow, I wish she could understand that this was not just a 'role' I took on and can just put aside. In my heart, I became Darienne's grandmother the first time I kept her overnight and rocked her to sleep. It doesn't take shared DNA for love to grow, and separation nor time can kill it. In that way, I guess you can say, "Like mother, like son." Neither of us can just stop loving Darienne because the courts say we have no 'rights.'

For six months we were not allowed to see Darienne, but my son’s persistence with letters and phone calls paid off and we were finally allowed to see her for a few hours every other Saturday. Then another disagreement and the visits and all contact stopped. That was fifteen months ago. This time my son’s persistence with letters and phone calls resulted in a Protective Order being filed against him for harassment! (It was dismissed.)

One of the truly sad things about this is that Darienne’s biological father quit making any attempt to see her when she was around three years-old. At about age four or five, she asked my son to promise that he would not ‘ditch’ her like her father did. Little did he know that he would not be allowed to keep that promise.

We live in a world over flowing with deadbeat dads and too many fathers who seem to care little for the children they spawn. On the other hand, here is a man who wants nothing more than to continue to be the ‘father’ he has always been to a little girl who obviously needs and wants one desperately. However, because he was not the ‘sperm-donor’ he does not exist in the eyes of the courts. This is so very sad for everyone.